I'm feeling much better today!!!!!! HIP HIP HOORAY! For a few days there, I really thought I might die. I was always a sick kid, so I know what sick feels like, but that was beyond anything I've ever felt before. I'm just glad that I seem to be on the upside of it.
Happy Halloween everyone! It's one of our favorite holidays and I'm a little bummed that I have to stay home while Gina takes Erin trick-or-treating. David did decided to stay home from shool so once he is finished in the office we will watch some scary and not-so-scary movies. Normally we would snuggle up on the couch but I don't want to get him sick so he'll have his couch and I'll have mine. Erin and Gina will join us once they are finished. Erin is out of school tomorrow for teacher in service day so she'll enjoy staying up with us and eating some of her candy.

I am feeling the tiniest bit better today. I haven't had a fever in two days which means either my bodys super virus fighter has finally won or it has given up and is allowing the virus to take up permanent residence. I'll be optimistic for the day and go with the first of the two.
My throat doesn't hurt and my glands don't seem to be swollen. Now, it's the feeling of exhaustion and the unbearable pain in my mouth I have to contend with. Vicoden and Lidocain don't seem to be any match for the pain. I tell myself that the pain lets me know it's healing. New cells are taking over sick ones. That has to be painfully right?
I have decided that one of the first things I am going to do once I am feeling better is go out to eat. I haven't had anything other than chicken broth and apple sauce in over a week. I don't know that I'll ever eat either of those again. I will probably give myself a week of feeling better and eating a little at a time before I go out. I don't want to get sick from to much all at once.
That's all the typing I have the energy for right now. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. They are working.

Yesterday was the worst of it. At least that it what I am telling myself because if it wasn't I'm ready to throw in the towell. I had a fairly high temperature and I think I came pretty close to dehydration.
Thank God for Gina. We may disagree on religion but, she is really a loving caring person. She has been staying with me at night while David goes to school. She's made sure Erin had dinner and finished her homework. She's even tucked her into bed which I am completely envious of. I haven't gotten to hug my munchkin in a week now. Gina made me soup and cleaned my house. At a time when things were looking pretty bleak because I was scared to death of being left alone for the four hours David goes to school each night, Gina stepped in without anyone having to ask.

Viral Infections and other fun stuff

I had to go back to the doctor today because the antibiotics didn't seem to be helping. After three doses, I felt worse and there were even more ulcers in my mouth. This time they acctually did a throat culture and some blood tests. The strep test came back negative. I have a viral infection. The only thing I can do is wait it out. They did give me some vomit flavored syrup to relieve the pain in my mouth and I finally was in enough pain to take half a vicaden. The worst part is this could last up to two weeks or maybe longer. On a good note, I've lost five pounds.

Sick. Temperature of 101, sore throat. Why am I here writing in my blog? I am of course searching the internet for all of the horrible life threataning illnessess I migh have. It's a sickness all on it's own. I was sleeping, but I can't sleep anymore. I feel bad enough to not feel good and good enough to not feel bad.

A Complete Dramatization of Actual Events

Today I called my sister after months of not calling. Sometimes it's easier not to hear her voice, not to be reminded of the miles that separate us or the improbability of our paths ever running parallel again. It's easier to imagine us living down the street from one another our children playing outside as we sip lemonade and snack on childhood memories.
Today her voice held a sadness so thick she choked on it. I tried to console her as best I could from 2,000 miles away, but my mind got hung up on phrases I couldn't make fit into the portrait I have of her.
"I threw all the shot glasses away. I haven't had a drink in over
a month."
She drinks? Oh yes, I knew that. She drinks enough to feel the need to abstain from drinking?
"I've done things. He can't trust me."
What is she saying? I don't understand. Am I sure I called the right number?
The conversation ended abruptly when the battery on my cell phone died. Though we had only talked a few minutes, each second spelled out a truth I didn't want to hear. She has changed. I am embarrassed at the way I have allowed things to progress, saddened that I haven't taken more of an interest; made more of an effort, and scared that all the things that are familiar between us have slipped away.

I love Tuesday mornings. I don't have to wake up at a completely ridiculous hour. With Erin gone to school, the house is still and quiet. I can sip my coffee slowly as I ponder the possibilities of the new day. Those few moments before the world rushes in and heavies my thoughts, I am light as air.

I just finished reading "Fortune's Rocks" by Anita Shreve. It was a beautiful book. I felt so connected to the characters and so lost in the world her words created that I was sad when I fished the book, and have even picked it up a few times to re-read my favorite parts.

It's almost Friday, and I'm faced with the prospect of attending bible study with Gina once again. I didn't attend last week because David and I were not feeling well. Unfortunantly, we're feeling fine this week. I just don't want to go. I don't want to walk into a room filled with people who have been told way to much about me from someone who sees things in black and white. I don't want to have to defend myself. I don't want to feel like the one everyone is trying to save. Mostly, I don't want to go in with the attitude that I'm going to show them truth or that I need to fix their thinking. Knowing Gina and the "discussions" we have had, I'm not sure that I can go into this with an open heart and mind. I'm already aggitated just writing this blog post. I don't know these people. It isn't fair for me to make any assumptions about them or the bible study they hold, but they have already been made.
Why am I even considering going? In the begining, I thought it might be fun to just make some random comments and really get them going. Then, it was because I didn't want to disapoint Gina. How that became an issue I don't know. Now, it's because I don't want them to think what Gina said about me is true. Why am I not okay just walking my path? Why do I feel the need to justify it to everyone around me? Why do I care what a group of people I don't even know think about me? Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck at square one. I'm like the kid in second grade who's paying attention to everything but the teacher. All the while God just gently calls my attention back to him. This isn't about bible study, church, or who's in the group and who isn't. This is about listening to the teacher.

Happy Birthday Mom

Here's to you mom; to all you have been, all you are, and all you have the potential to be.

First, I want to say Happy Anniversary to my wonderful grandparents! They've been married 63 years today. They are beautiful people, and I owe a great deal of who I am to them. I made them this little anniversary page.

It's a shameless inspiration lift of Sabrina Ward Harrison. I really love all her stuff.
Istarted a visual journal today. It's acctually something I've been dabling in for a while. It's difficult for me because I have this idea thateverything has to be perfect so I never really get started because I'm worried about it not being perfect. Odly enough my first entry is about imperfection. I haven't finished an entry yet, but when I do I'll make sure to post it here.

I just wanted to share some sites I find quite yummy!
Sabrina Ward Harrison
Teesha Moore
Be inpired,I was!
Enjoy!

Sandra

It's late and I can't sleep because the couch isn't as comfortable as my bed and I suppose it shouldn't really have to be. It is a couch after all. Beds were made for sleeping, but my bed has been taken over by a moaning groaning germ infested monster a.k.a my husband. While I have all the sympathy in the world for him, it ends there. I don't want to share in his sickness so I have declared our bedroom off limits to anyone not wearing the proper protective gear and armed with disinfectant spray. Since it is impossible to sleep comfortably in protective gear while holding disinfectant spray, I'm sleeping on the couch.

After forcing myself to workout and thinking happy thoughts yesterday, the day brightened a little. It was a reminder to me that I can't base my follow through on how I am feeling because somedays I don't feel like super woman.
Today was easier. David is sick so I've been mama hen. Helping someone else always takes one's mind off of themself.
I am going to a group bible study on Friday with my friends Thomas and Gina. I'm a little hesitant, but hopeful as well.

It's only 11:18 am, and already it's been a shity day. It's one of those days where the negative voices that say "I'm not good enough" and "I can't" are screaming so loudly that the opposing voices are drowning in the noise. My I-can-o-meter is teetering towards the I can't.

We had an awesome weekend. On Saturday, Erin and I walked in the Help One Child fundraiser walk. She raised $100 dollars for the charity which supports foster children and their families. We both thought it was a great way to celebrate our one year adoption anniversary. They had a lot of fun activities for kids including a craft station, a big blow up slide, and a jumper.
Afterwards, we got her hair cut. It was completely her desision, but we are both happy with the results. She had about five inches taken off which means less tangles for her to deal with in the morning.
Sunday we went to the mall. We were supposed to be going to Build A Bear so Erin could have a bear made to celebrate the one year adoption mark, but there was no Build A Bear at the mall we went to so we did some window shopping and had lunch at Dave & Busters.
This week, I am refocusing my weightloss goals. The 1600 calorie diet is not working so I'm cutting back to 1400. We will see where that gets me. Something has to give eventually, right?
The walk we were at on Sunday was at a church. While there, I noticed all the people connecting and enjoying the company of one another. It stirred up all those old longings to be a part of something. I went right back to my old habbits and searched for a church when I got home. I don't think that is the answer. I believe that there is something more. Please God, help me find it.