"Sacred beings we are, for the infinite camps
in our
souls."

Take a moment and allow those words to sink in. If this were real to us, if we could see the infinte in ourselves and one another as clearly as we see the sun in the sky, how would it change us? How would it change our interaction with those around us? If we could see beyond the muck and mire that clouds our souls, to the space where he dwells in each of us, how could anything else matter? To see clearly is to see the part in each of us which mirrors God. We are in our best and worst moments a reflection of him created in his image for his glory.
I want to delve deeper into you, past the walls you have built and the layers of lifes sediment to touch the place he dwells and be changed in the process. I want to see the sacred you.

My sweet husband bought me the book I wanted "Love Poems From God" and an espresso machine. I'm in heaven.

Expands His Being
Meister Eckhart
translated by Daniel Ladinsky

All beings
are words of God.
His music, his
art.

Sacred beings we are, for the infinite camps
in our
souls.

Every act reveals God and expands His Being.
I know that may be hard
to comprehend.

All creatures are doing their best
to help God in His birth
of Himself.

Enough talk for the night.
He is laboring in me;

I need to be silent
for a while,

worlds are forming
in my heart.

Merry Christmas Eve everyone! We've had a beautiful couple of days. Last night we had friends over for what was supposed to be a sing-a-long but turned into game playing. It was still a lot of fun. I baked so much I don't know how we will ever eat it all! I made mint chocolate chip cookes, cranberry apple bread, Sandra's surprise cookies, cowboy cookes, fudge, and chocolate covered peanutbutter balls. The good thing about baking is that when I bake I usually don't eat. For some reason when I have stuff like that around I don't want it. Gina says I should just keep it around all the time then.

Today we went over to Thomas and Gina's for brunch and to exchange our gifts. She got me a really cool tripod for my camera, a garlic press, a Christmas music cd, and transfer paper for a memory quilt we want to make. Pretty cool stuff.

This evening the family had a nice dinner and each oppened a present. David and Erin are watching Rodolph The Red Nose Reindeer while I am downloading RLP's "A Christmas Story You've Never Heard". As soon as the movie is finished we are all going to listen to it. I love his writing style so I'm sure I will love his version of the birth of Jesus. It also has acoustic guitar. How can you go wrong with that?
I want to open another of my presents now. I'm 90% sure David got me "Love Poems From God" I can't wait to start reading it!

Merry Christmas everyone! May your day be filled with wonder, joy, peace, and love!

"please pray, meditate, offer tonglen or just stop for a moment for my friend and his family"
This comment at the possibility of fire touched something deep inside me as I read it. I had never been to this blog before tonight. I clicked on it randomly. I don't know this man, his struggles, or the struggles of the friend he speaks about. Yet, his request to "just stop for a moment" made my heart still. It seems like a simple enough request. Stop for a moment to offer up a whole hearted prayer for someone in need; to let all other thoughts, intentions, motivations, and agendas fade away and focus for one moment on another living breathing being. It seems simple enough, yet it was the most difficult task I encountered today. My mind would not be still long enough to utter my humble request to The Almighty. I want more than anything to be still, to be ginuine in my heart as I pray for this man and for others in my life. I want to learn to quiet the world around me, the moans of every day life, for a few moments in the day to give all that I am in prayer for those God has placed in my heart. Be quiet world. Be still heart.

Kristen posted about success. Somedays, just making it out of bed in the morning and back to bed in one piece is success.

Killing June

There are times when I don't feel familiar to myself. I see myself folding laundry, making dinner, getting my daughter ready for bed, and think "Who are you?" I connect with the June Cleaver version of me on some levels. I like a tidy home and I want to be the super mom that has cookies ready when Erin gets home from school and can heal anything from a nasty scratch to a broken heart. But there are other versions of me that June has tied up and gagged. She lets them out only when she is exhausted from all of her trying.
There is an artist who dreams of a loft in Paris, San Francisco, or NYC. She has visions of hours spent at a coffee shop sipping on mocha and working in a visual journal.
There is a recluse that hides in the quite spaces. She dreams of nothing but peace and quite. She revels in silence and time for uninterrupted contemplation.
There is a writer who forges time for her art. Her words are woven beautifully into thoughts that tickle the minds of those who read them.
There is a musician that stirs imagination and longing with calloused fingers on guitar strings.
How do I balance all that I aspire to be with the realities of daily life? How do I make time to foster these facets of myself when there is laundry to be done and the dishes are piled up? How have others done it? Does June exist in them to? Is she as loud as my June? Can I slip her a sedative and hope she doesn't wake up?

I had a very long weekend. Saturday Gina and I took Erin to the audition which was an hour away. It was raining and foggy so the drive was nasty, but we made it there early which gave Erin plenty of time to get ready. It was her first audition and she was nervous, but she did really well. She memorized a commercial and showed a good amount of facial expression. The acting school gave her a call back which is good, but they are too expensive for us. There was an agent there, but I doubt she will get a call back from him because she doesn't have any experience. Overall, I think it was a great learning experience for her and it showed me that she is serious about wanting to be an actress. I'll put a little more effort into it now that I see it's something she really wants.
Saturday evening we had our Curves Christmas party. It was very nice. Went to The Cabana where we had our own room with a fire place. It was decorated for Christmas and the atmostphere was perfect. The food was delicious, and the company was enjoyable. I made scarves for each of the girls. They loved them! I was amazed that each scarf fit the personality of the recepient very well. In fact, they matched what each of the girls was wearing that evening.
Sunday I spent the morning cleaning and napping. We went to Daids company Christmas party in the evening. It was not as enjoyable as the Curves party, but it was nice. David and I sat at a table by ourselves which is what we prefer. We listend to the usual speach about how well the company is doing and how great the employees are all the while making snide comments between ourselves. This is the second year they have neglected to give the employees they call "great" Christmas bonuses. The bonuses were never much to begin with and I guess that's what makes them being taken away so offensive. I don't like working for a corporation, and I will be glad when we move on. It seems it's the same no matter what company you work for the money goes to the top and stays there. Their appreciation for those that do most of the work doesn't go beyond lip service.
It's a slow Monday here. It's dreary and rainy. The electricity has gone off twice. Standing in the middle of the circut repeating "change stations now" is not the best way to start the week.

It has begun....
The Search For Skinny

I worked out for the first time all week today. ( Thanks for the inspiration Aola.) It felt good. Really good. I don't know why I put it off all week. I occupied my time with knitting. I've completed three scarves so far. I'm almost finished with my fourth. Still, that is no excuse. I should have been working out at least 30 minutes each day. Last week I did an hour each day. I think it was too much all at once. I was really tired at the end of the week.
Hey Aola, you want to list our workouts daily to help keep each other accountable? I could use the support.

Todays workout: 30 minutes of circut training with heart rate of 80% (I plan on doing another 30 minutes this afternoon and hopefully doing a light run this evening.)

My Christmas shopping is complete for the most part. I even have the gifts for my out of town family boxed up and ready to go to the post office today. I'm going to send them priority so they make it to their destinations on time. This is the first year I've managed to have it all done before Christmas. Usually they get their gifts in January. I even have all of my cards ready to be sent out today. I guess the cosmos was in line for me this year. I had a wonderful time buying and wrapping presents. I wish I could be with my family when they open them. I'm thinking about doing a webcam cast of Erin opening hers so the grandparents can see. They'll get a kick out of that.

This Saturday we are taking Erin to a talent scout audition. For the past three years she has been begging me to take her to auditions because she wants to be on T.V. As I was listening to the radio one day I heard an announcement for a scout who casts for shows like "The Suite Life Of Zack & Cody" and national commercials. I called and got all the info. Gina is woring with her this week. She will have to do an interview and a cold read of a commercial. She's doing really well with Gina. Whatever happens, I know this will be a great learning experience for her and hopefully will build her selfconfidence. I keep telling her that she can do whatever she puts her mind to. She just has to be her bright, fun, loving self.

Time to finish that scarf!

Has anyone read this book?
Love Poems from God : Twelve Sacred Voices from the East and West
I stumbled upon it at the book store this weekend and was intrigued. I read all the reviews at Amazon and read through some of the book. I think it looks quite lovely. If you've read it I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

Yesterday was the third anniversary of my grandfathers death. Naturally, I spent part of the day thinking about him and reflecting on all that he imparted to my life. In my first memories of my dad's dad I was four or five and he was the same age he always was to me, old. He had made the 2,000 mile trip from Pennsylvania to Oklahoma along with my grandmother,aunt, and cousin just to celebrate my sisters and my birthday. It felt like we were the two most special girls in the world, thats how he always made me feel. They lived so far away and our time together was always so short that he and my grandmother squeezed in a years worth of love and hugs in the few weeks we spent together durring the summer.
When I was 16 I found love letters my grandfather had written to my grandmother tucked in a dusty box in a house the family uses for storage. (It's a marvelous old house, but that's an entirely different post.) The letters spoke of a love I had not yet experienced with words so beautiful I could hardly believe my grandfather had written them. In one line, he said "I know why the moon is so beautiful. It's because it's gleam is in your eyes." My grandfathers face turned several shades of red when I read the letters aloud to my girlfriends at a sleep over. He taught me that true love, the kind you see in movies, really did exist.
When he met my husband, he gave him some time proven advice. "Whatever she says. Whatever She does. The answer is always..Yes Dear." It's advice that my husband still uses today.
I am thankfull that for twenty-three years of my life I was able to get to know my grandfather and for the brush strokes he added to my portrait. I believe that all that we are is a combination of what is imparted to us through those we build relationships with. All that my grandfather imparted to me has helped to make me who I am today. I will always be gratefull for that gift.
I am thankfull that I was able to spend the last days of my grandfathers life with him; that our family was able to gather around him and one another as we all said goodbye. I am thanfull that in his final days he was not affraid of what awaited him, but was certain that he would depart from this earth and the confines of his body to be with Jesus. Lastly, I am thankfull for the pieces of him that are left in each of the lives he touched, for the stories my family is able to recall and share with one another, and for the happiness that fills our hearts when we remember him.

Seven things I want to do before I die:
1. Move to Pennsylvania.
2. Build a house on our land there.
3. Finish school.
4. Start my own business.
5. Play the guitar.
6. take one really amazing photograph.
7. Have a baby or 4.

Seven things I cannot do.
1. Play the guitar.
2. crochet
3. stop drinking diet soda
4. tolerate stupid people (i'm with A on this one)
5. run a 15 minute mile
6. feel comfortable in a crowded theater or resteraunt
7. spell

Seven Things That Attract Me To My Husband (romantic interest, best friend, whatever applies to you)
1. he is family oriented
2. he has the same dreams and goals as I do.
3. he is loving
4. he is a nice guy..he'll do what it takes to help someone out be it a family member or stranger.
5. his sence of humor
6. that special place on his chest where I rest my head.
7. His eyes

Seven Things I Say most often.
1. love ya.
2. You're making me so mad right now.(in a goofy voice)
3. Have a great day.( to everyone as they leaves Curves)
4. Erin, Is your room clean?
5. whatever
6. How was school?
7. Are you kidding me?

Seven Books, Or Series, That I Love
1. Fortunes Rocks
2. Guess How Much I love you
3. The Journey Of Desire
4. The Dive From Clausens Pier
5. A Seperate Peace
6. Happy Adoption Day
7. SMILE! ( One of those mini pop-up books with 25 good reasons to smile)

Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again
1. Pretty Woman
2. Pollyanna
3. The Patriot
4. Sleepless In Seatle
5. It's A Wonderful Life
6. Enemy Of The State
7. The Journey Of Naty Gan

Thanks for the tag Aola. ( I think ) It's your turn Gina!

We fell asleep on the couch last night. We do that sometimes when we're really tired or just too lazy to move to the bed. David woke me up around 3:30 and we made our way to our room stoping in the bathroom first. We were talking as I preformed my nightly before bed rituals, and then without warning, he fainted. I watched his 6 foot 2 body crash to the floor and his pale blue eyes roll to the back of his head. My big strong husband was convulsing on our bathroom floor and all I could do was scream "HONEY ARE YOU OKAY? OH MY GOD HONEY!".
I have thought about what I would do without him before. I've imagined picking up the pieces of a broken life and trying to move on, but losing him has never been this tangible. For a moment, I lived in a world in which my husband no longer existed. It is a place I am happy never to visit again.
He is fine now. It's almost as if it never happened except for the haunting image of him lying there and a new level of awareness that none of this is forever.

One of her favorite movies is "Peter Pan". She believes that if she could just get her hands on some real Tink dust she could fly off to Neverland and make her own group of lost girls. She believes in fairies, magic spells, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Clause. Her eyes light up anytime we read a princess story. In her world there are no limits or boundries. Everything is a possiblity.

Many of my conversations and much of my reading recently has revolved around church. What it is, what it isn't , and what it should be. Sometimes I get lost in the words people use and the scriptures they quote. I lose my footing and find myself slipping into self doubt. I start thinking that maybe I've really missed the boat. So, I start at the end of my rope and trace the twists and turns back to where I began thinking there had to be something more. The truth is, I've always known there was something more. I knew it the first time I delivered Meals on Wheels with my grandparents and the time I saw my grandma zero out an account someone had at her grocery store because she knew they couldn't afford to pay it. My grandparents lived church before my eyes every day. Yes, they attended regular Sunday meetings where my grandfather could often be seen dozing off in the back pew, but the church that affected me most and the church I want to model my life after was the one I saw them live outside those four walls. Their church was built on actions that showed Gods love in a real and practicle way. It didn't begin or end with a weekly meeting it was a way of living.
As far as the legalities of community, I'm drawn towards the ideas in this post at RLP.
If We Could Do Church
It doesn't matter to me where we meet or when. I want a community that spurs one another towards living church every day.

I was just playing around with the camera today at the park. Crazy that we still have fall leafs isn't it.

Life is beautiful. The sun is out. There is a slight chill in the air. We will be spending the day enjoying the sights and sounds only this time of year can bring at two parades Erin and her baton troop will be performing in.
I am finally a Californian. It's 57 degrees out with sunshine and I need a long sleeved shirt, jacket, and scarf. What will I do when I move to P.A.? I'll need a thermal body suit.

Today sucked! I had to wake up too early and be at work far too long. I'm going to watch last nights ER and sip on a pepermint mocha.

Rain and wind don't normally make for the perfect shopping day, but I'm certain that it's keeping everyone else snuggled under their blankets on their cozy couches, so I will brave the weather in search of perfect presents. I'd much rather deal with droplets of water than dozens of people.