Now that everyone else has doen this..

I AM: me.
I WANT: a house in the country with a wrap around porch.
I WISH: I were in that house now.
I HATE: waiting.
I LOVE: my family, friends, and those glorious times when we are all together.
I MISS: my family and friends.
I FEAR: not having enough time.
I HEAR: birds chirping, cars driving by, and the tap tap tap of the key board.
I WONDER: where we will be in six months.
I REGRET: not finishing college when it would have been easier.
I AM NOT: like anyone else.
I DANCE: in the kitchen with David.
I SING: to High School musical with Erin.
I CRY: less than I used to.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: in control.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: good food, scrapbook pages, a safer world for my daughter, and a clean house for me.
I WRITE: because I need the practice.
I CONFUSE: my right and left ..Embarrassing!
I NEED: less than I have.
I SHOULD: give my self a little more credit sometimes.
I START: jokes that I can never remember the punch line to.
I FINISH: in my own sweet time.
I TAG: anyone that hasn't done this yet.

Cra-ba-ple

She said it when we visited the gardens. She ran off before us and came back every few minutes to update us on what waited ahead, informally dubbing herself the tour guide. When she first said it, I couldn't imagine what she was talking about. She ran ahead eagerly and waited by a tree with delicate white blooms. "See mom. It's a cra-ba-ple tree." Knowing that she gets very offended when I laugh at anything concerning her, I tried to hold the laughter in, but it came streaming down my cheeks in tear form and then sputtered out my lips. It was the most adorable thing I had ever heard. I told her it was pronounced crab-apple, but that I liked her version of the word much better. She tilted her head and looked at me for a moment before saying "Oh, I get it. crab apple! Why would someone name a tree crab apple?" We both laughed and decided that cra-ba-ple was a much better name for a tree. Sometimes I say it randomly just for laughs.

We visited Filoli garden this weekend. It was beautiful. In fact, beautiful doesn't seem to describe it very well at all, and the pictures I took hardly do it justice. We spent three hours roaming through the gardens and house. It was impossible to take it all in. I would love to go again by myself and just be quiet there. Erin was so excited to see everything that she ran from one thing to the next. I kept reminding her that if she was in such a hury to she the next thing she wouldn't see what we were supposed to be looking at. I could hardly blame her for her excitement. She reminded me of myself at that age.

One of the things that caught all of our attention was the name Filoli. I thought that it was probably the name of one of the flowers growing in the garden until a tour guide pointed out that it was actually made up of the first two letters of three diferent phrases. "Fi" from Fight for a just cause, "Lo" from love your fellow man, and "Li" from Live a good life. Isn't that a great motto?

I arrived home from the grocery store today and found a box from Amazon. ( I love getting gifts even if they are from me.) I was surprised because they weren't supposed to arrive until the 24th. (You can all gasp in amazement. I, Sandra, ordered books online.) Everyday Sacred inspired me to rename my blog. I'm hoping the book will help me to see the sacred in everyday life. Stretching Lessons is by the same author, Sue Bender, and seems to be a continuation of sorts but with more focus on the connection between spirit and body. The first few pages of it remind me a little of The Journey of Desire. At the last minute, I threw in Poemcrazy because I have been unable to find it at any of the local book stores. I think I have enough reading to keep me busy for a little while. I ordered the books when it was cold and rainy. Now the sun is out and begging me to play. Decisions! Decisions!
We rented Pride and Prejudice this weekend and I have watched it twice. I agree with Kristen, were Mr. Darcy real, I might have to fall in love with him. The actor who plays him in the movie did a wonderful job in my opinion. When I am finished with the books above I might just have to re-read Pride and Prejudice.

Our Easter was crazy but good. Anytime we got to my brother-in-law's things are crazy. The kids yell and scream and do pretty much whatever they want and the tension between family members is always evident. It was good to play with the kids. We spent time outside on the swings when it wasn't raining. My niece, Abbey, who is two and absolutely adorable said the cutest thing. She sneezed so her mom said "Gesundheit" and I told Abbey to say "dankeschön". She said "donkey say". It was so cute!
We came home early because we were all pretty tired. We rented movies and settled on the couch for the evening. All in all it was a very good Easter. During the trip to and from my brother-in-law's we listened to Third Day "Offerings". I love that cd and I especially love listening to "Thousand Hills" while making the drive because it's full of rolling green hills. This time of year, the hills are brushed with thousands of delicate orange wild flowers. It was breathtakingly beautiful. If I hadn't forgotten the memory card to my camera, I would have had a picture to share with you. Maybe next time.

My sweet bought me an Easter Lily for no reason last week. He brought it to me at work. It's been a bright spot in contrast to all of the rain we have been having.

The Way Of The Cross

Last night in response to my argument that she needs to be a little more mature and responsible before I trust her to shave her legs, she said that she is a kid and shouldn't have to be responsible. I told her that was exactly my point. She threw her hands in the air and exclaimed "I've got to learn to keep my mouth shut. I keep proving your point!"

I've been trying to avoid the news today. Unfortunantly I've also avoided working out. I have been doing something productive. I finished this scrapbook page. I'm working on a pre-adoption book for Erin. I don't have many baby pictures of her, but I'm using what I have. I love the journaling on this one which is from a poem posted at PeaSoup part of Two Peas In A Bucket. The journaling says
"I know that the sky is full of stars
and dreams that call your name from afar.
I'm anxious to see all you're going to be
but I'm going to miss who you are."
As I've been looking through her baby pictures, I've really missed those baby days. She is growing up so fast that it's hard to believe she was ever this small.

My sweet lovely Erin made the Honor Roll. This is not the cause for my current frustration, but her report card was. She and I looked over her report card together and I read what the teacher wrote in the notes. It's the usual not paying attention, talking in class, and not handing things in on time. I discussed each thing with her and talked about how she could improve. I told her how proud I was that she made the Honor Roll and what wonderful effort she was making. I have seen the improvement myself. When we discussed her talking in class she was very open with me about her talking and those around her talking and the distractions that exist. She told me that her group was really mean to her and said things like “you were born in a garbage can because no one wanted you." I told her that when they say these things she should let the teacher know right away rather than saying anything back to them. She then told me that it didn't matter because she is no longer in that group. When I asked her what group she was in she said group 5 and 1/2. I asked her who was in the group with her and she said, just me and I like it that way. I almost heard my heart break. No one likes the thought of their child not being part of the group and it's especially difficult knowing that it makes her even more of a target. I asked her if the other kids said anything about her being in a group alone and she said sometimes. I'm disappointed that the teacher hasn't done more to keep me informed about what is going on the classroom. I e-mail her frequently for updates and she says the same old things about Erin not being focused and too much talking. She hasn't mentioned anything about kids picking on Erin or Erin being moved to a group by her. Erin says that she has told the teacher about the mean things kids have said several times and the teacher just says to ignore it. Has that ever worked for anyone?
I'm frustrated that school does not have a level playing field. Public school is for students who work efficiently without distraction. There seems to be no room for a child who has some difficulty focusing. I'm frustrated that a teacher would separate a child who already has a low self esteem.
I really feel like Erin has been labeled the "bad" kid by one of the teachers there. Her teacher last year was very upfront with me about the things she had been told about Erin from her previous teacher. She also told me that she preferred not to base her judgments about children on what she hears. Last year was the best year Erin has had at this school. She was on the Honor Roll each semester. Her peer group supported her in her efforts to focus in class, and she felt so good about herself. This year it seems like any progress that was made has disappeared. I'm not blind. I know that Erin struggles to focus. I know that she talks in class. I know that she can be a handful and that in a class of 24 students it must be overwhelming. I have also seen the other kids and overheard them saying things that they shouldn't. I have been there when they have said mean things to her. I think it's too easy to point the finger at Erin when something happens because she has been on the wrong side of things in the past.
I haven't e-mailed the teacher yet, but I will tonight.

Last night I dreamed that I was a secret agent sent on an undercover mission. My group was dropped by helicopter in a foreign land, given our mission, and split up into groups of two. My partner and I ducked from cover to cover making sure we arrived at our post unseen only to find that we had no ammunition. The only "firepower" given to us was pockets full of those little fireworks that snap when thrown against a hard surface or squeezed between the thumb and index finger (a method I don't recommend).