My trip to seattle was great. I went to see the Space Needle and we were going to go to Wild Waves, which is this really cool water park, but it was cloudy and rainy so we couldn't go. But we had lots of fun and we cut out celebs from Nick Jr. magazines and played on the Xbox. We aslo watched tv and we watched the Cheetah Girls.
Today was my second day of school and I'm in Fith grade. I love my teacher. Her name is Ms.Sanborn and she loves science. She's a really great teacher and I love school.


guest blogger
Erin

Am I ruining her? She wants to shave her legs so badly. Two months ago we gave her the option of shaving her legs or buying a two piece swimsuit. Neither of these seem like horrible things, but when you have a daughter that is far to mature for her age, they seem like scary territory. She chose the two piece and our world was peaceful for a short time. Today the arguments began again. Her legs are too hairy. People will make fun of her. She's a bundle of emotions over many things that are going on right now and this one argument is where she chooses to unload all of her ammunition. I calmly reminded her of the decision she made and of her promise not to bring this up again until I thought it was time for her to finally shave her legs. (Which in my opinion, just in case your are wondering, should closely match the time of her first period.) She got very angry. So angry she ripped the pages relating to shaving legs out of the "Your Body" book I bought her. When I talked to her about what she had done she let everything go. She's worried about her mom who is sick and at the ER right now. She thinks that boys will never like her. Her ears are too big. Her nose is too red. Her face has to much acne. Her hair is too short. The list goes on and on. From her young perspective, changing one or all of these things will make her beautiful and life better. From my perspective, none of these things are the true culprit. In reality, she doesn't love herself. She has many reasons to believe that she isn't good enough. Life has not been very kind to her. She has a biological father out there somewhere that never gave a damn. Her mother chose drugs and a girlfriend over her after allowing her to be abused and neglected.
David and I love her more than we imagined possible. When she was gone for a week, we missed her so much we were both excited to pick her up from the airport. We tell her every day how smart, pretty, special, talented, wonderful she is. Sometimes I wonder if any of it is really getting through. I wonder if what she believes about herself is too strong for our words and actions to break through. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I have it all backwards. Maybe in trying to teach her that she is beautiful just the way she is I'm doing more damage than good. Maybe giving her the ability to shave her legs and therefore feel more comfortable with herself will give her more confidence and make her feel better about herself, or will it lead to wanting to change whatever else makes her feel like she isn't good enough?

I wonder if anyone else pays attention the word verifications blogger gives when they post a comment. Today, at two separate blog sites, I had to use the same word verification, hbeflrty. The only reason I remember it specifically is that I love to try and make words or little sayings out of them. If you changed this one to hebflrty it could be an abbreviation for "he be flirty" which means nothing, but is kind of funny Once a friend and I had a conversation about the odd things we do and don't tell anyone about. She always makes sure she end any set of stairs on her right foot which sometimes requires a skip-hop sort of jump. She also said that she counts the letters in words on her fingers and is happy if one ends on her pinky finger. Mine weren't nearly as odd. I sometimes count syllables as people talk rather than listen to what they are saying. I also like to try and spell all the words in commercials as they are spoken which is funny because I can't spell. Anyone who reads my blog knows that.
What about you? Any oddities you feel brave enough to share?

I am FRUSTRATED! The new job David took last week, let him go on Friday. They said they couldn't afford to pay him the amount THEY agreed to. David is pretty sure that they used him to get caught up and then let him go. It's rediculous! I understand that he was hired "at will", but how does that mean you can have someone work for you for a few days and then decide that you can't pay as much as you said you could. It's so frustrating! I'm starting to think that all the little mom and pop shops in the automotive industry are dishonest. I don't want to think that way, but out of the two shops that have technicaly hired him, both have pulled this.
He has an interview on Friday and I am currently printing coppies of his resume so he can hit the pavement tomorrow. With me not having a job for a week durring the tranistion into his old job and him not having a job now, what little money we had in savings is getting eaten up little by little. It was supposed to be used to go to Disney Land the second week of September. We may have to cancel the trip. That sucks!

I'm feeling restless and frustrated today. My heart is searching for that "something more", and it's coming up empty handed. Four out of four "religious" websites I went to today talked about faith/religion/relationship with God like a business transaction. One even went so far as to outline their "plan for capitol gain" right there on their website. I know not to look in those places. I know what I will find there, but sometimes it's just easier to look there and hope that something will be acceptable. When will I learn?

I found out today that my grandfather has a malignant tumor. He's having surgery tomorrow. The hope is that they will be able to remove it all and he won't have to go through radiation. I've been strugeling with this news all day though I know I play no part in the outcome. I've offered up my prayers that he would be okay, but they are nothing more than a selfish wish and because I love him and want him to be around for many more years, it's the most I can do. At times like these I regret living so far away. I want to be there tomorrow before he goes in to surgery to tell him how much I love him and how thankful I am that out of all the grandfathers in the world he is mine.

And then the day came, when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

- Anais Nin, Danish diarist

Today, amidst headlines of terrorist plots to blow up planes, my daughter is flying home. Her flight is a short one on a small plane, not a likely target for terrorist. Still, I will be glad when she is safe at home.

We found out yesterday afternoon that David did not get the job. The other guy had experience with Porsche. We are bummed but not beaten. We firmly believe that whatever is meant to be will be. We prayed and told God to let us know which job he should take, and this is our answer. So, David will be taking the first job he applied for. It will be harder work in less comfortable conditions, but it's a job and the experience will be great because David will be working on all types of cars. The pay and benefits are about the same, so the only loss is that the sign on the front of the garage doesn't say Porsche. David really liked the shop owner too, and felt like he would be a great guy to work for. I'm just glad to finally know what direction we are taking and to be moving forward. All that waiting was making us crazy!
I talked to Erin yesterday. She was on her way to the Space Needle. She sounded really excited. I know she is having a lot of fun. I miss her. :(

We leave for the airport in two hours. I hope Seattle is ready for my daughter! I'm very nervous! We bought Erin a Tracphone yesterday and I went over all the rules a few times. I'm sure I'll mention them a few more times before her flight leaves. I know everything is going to be fine, but I'm a mom so I worry.

We find out about the job at Porsche today. We've been praying and crossing our fingers all week. It will be nice just to finally know if he has the job or he doesn't. All this wondering can make a person crazy.

We sold our Mustang last week. We were both sad to see it go, but it needed more work than we had time or money for. We bought an 86 BMW that is in excellent condition, has all the original owners manuals, and has all the receipts for work done over the last ten years. Those of you who have known us long enough may remember that three years ago we sold an 86 BMW to buy the Mustang. Life is funny.

I just sent a huge box of school clothes to my niece and nephew in Oklahoma. They just called me to say thank you. What more reward does one need that a tiny voice on the other end of the phone saying "Thank you Nana."? My heart is full.

I am currently jobless for the first time in 7 years and it feels okay. I told David that I might take the week off and schedule a massage if he gets the job at Porsche. I haven't had a vacation in four years. It would feel good to have a break. I mentioned to him that it might be a good time to think about babies and you should have seen the look I got. I might have gone just a little too far with that one. In all seriousness we're waiting a while for that venture. Don't get your hopes up mom. :)

My last day at Curves was an emotional one. I intentionally scheduled the new girl, Katelyn, to train with me thinking that would help keep me from falling apart and it did to some extent. There were still tears involved. The members were so gracious and kind with their words, cards, and even gifts which surprised me. One members comments summed everything up nicely. She said that without me there she probably would have given up a long time ago, but now she knows she can stick it out. I never realized that I had this impact on peoples lives. It reminds me of Aola's comment about planting your garden where you are. I didn't set out saying "I'm going to make a difference in these ladies lives." I just gave what I had to give. I'm pretty sure that's all it takes.

I've been feeling very creative since David has been out of school. Just knowing he is hope in the evenings has takens a lot of the burden off of me. I'm making a series of three of these type of scrapbook pages to hang above our television. This one is for Erin and says "We want you to be happy. We love you. We trust you. We think you are a gift. We believe in you. We treasure your spirit. We want to share your dreams." The second one is of David and me at our wedding and the third one isn't started yet.

I went on a mini shopping spree this weekend which means I spent more that $50 on myself and didn't buy anything house related. I got these super cute camo cargo pants from Old Navy. I also got two shirts to wear with them in the fashionable layer style. One is green and one is white. Fashionista Kristen, what shoes do you recomend? Flip flops look cool with them durring summer, but what about after that? Black boots seem a litle to army-eseque for my taste and I'm not sure I'll wear anything with a heel. HELP!! :)