I've been sick with a cold since Wednesday. It started with a few sneezes and grew into full blown drippy sinuses, congestion, coughing, aching head cold miserey. Finally I can sit upright without my head pounding so hard my spine vibrates. All that remains is the occasional coughing spurt and a stuffy nose.
Last night in the space between going to bed and falling asleep I followed A's lead and held people in the light. It was an amazingly peaceful feeling to be able to think about people and pray for them without having to come up with all the words, to know that my soul can convey what needs to be said without my brain getting in the way. The names that floated through were interesting. People I haven't thought about for years came to mind and as I thought about them I repeated "Be with them, bless them, love them, let them know they are loved, let them feel that they are loved." I imagined sending little packets of light to each person. It felt good to broaden the scope of my perspective. Sometimes (okay a lot of the time) I get tunnel vision. Life is about so much more than me, I want to see that more.

David starts a new job today. He will be working for Pop-A-Lock, a company that provides roadside assistance like car unlocking services, tire changing, jump starting, and gas. He works from home and is on call various hours of the day. It will be interesting to see how it will all work out. David likes the flexible schedule. If he isn't on a call he can be doing whatever he wants to be doing like building more poker tables. I don't like that on some nights he will be on call for 24 hours, but I'll get over it. The company communicates calls through Blackberrys. David had his on last night and there wasn't a single call until 6 a.m. this morning. I'm sure that some nights will be much busier, especially on the weekend, but it's nice to know that some nights will feel normal. The most important thing is that David is happy. A slightly satisfing side note is that this job pays more than the last one.

Life strikes again!

The dream job David took seven short months ago let him go yesterday. Their reason is not worth typing. I saw it for what it really was, a way to cut costs. The bonuses they offered employees who were willing to stay through August 31st total more than $200,000. (Individually the bonus/severance packaged was around $10,000.) From the moment we received the letter that detailed the bonus and severance package, I knew it couldn't be that easy. I had a feeling they would look for any reason to fire people. (Perhaps the entire paragraph in the bonus letter pertaining to being hired at will and termination for any reason making the bonus void gave me a small clue.) Yet, we were hopeful that this company would be different, would not sink to such low levels. We were wrong to hope. In the corporate world money is almost always the bottom line.
All is not lost. We have learned that things will work themselves out and that we will make it work however we need to. When faced with this situation seven months ago, I fell apart. I thought the worst and believed it. This time, I am staying calm, I'm remembering to breathe, I'm giving thanks for all that we had, currently have, and will have whatever that may be. I'm learning that the future is nothing if not unpredictable.

Playing with Photoshop

I've had photoshopCs2 for over a year without really using it. I just never had the motivation to learn a new program. Recently, I've been playing around with it. I'm having so much fun editing photos. It's amazing how much this program can do and I'm only begining to understand it.
This morning I took this photo of Abbey


and did this


and this


and this


Fun stuff!

(WARNING: This link is to a redesign of my blog that is done a www.gizoogle.com I found it funny. Some of you might not. If you find the occasional four letter word offensive, please don't click on this link. If you decide to click on it anyway, don't say I didn't warn you.)

For something so funny you'll pee your pants, click here!

I finished reading We Were the Mulvaneys today. Someone gave it to me months ago and it sat on my night stand for that long. I was frustrated with the father in the book, so frustrated I almost quit reading it, but didn't. The last few pages released me from any regret I might have had. They gave me hope that a family can be shattered and somehow pull the pieces back together, that family is stronger than all the crap that can happen in a lifetime.

I'm home alone for the evening. David and Erin are visiting David's brother and his family. I'm soaking up the quiet and stillness of the house.

I did nothing yesterday. I sprawled on the couch and read the entire day. It felt good to release myself from any responsibilities for the day. I was supposed to help my father-in-law with something, but David went without me. A friend of ours had a birthday party, but since we'd gone to dinner with him the night before, I didn't feel too guilty about not going. Nothing is not something I often give myself the privilege of doing.
Today, I got my hair cut. It's short and fun. It really needed a trim after the recent bleach cotastrophe.
Lately, I find myself dealing with a lot of things from my childhood. Things that I thought I had moved beyond. In reality, I pushed myself past them without ever really dealing with them. The two books I've read (She's Come Undone and The Kindness of Strangers) in the last couple of weeks have stirred up memories that I'd rather forget, but know I need to remember. I've been thinking about how our lives are shaped from our childhood with little control from us. I've been thinking about my older sister and how I wish that everyone could have known her before the man my mom lived with put his hands on her. She was the same age as Erin. When I made that connection last night, my heart broke. I was so young when it happened that I had no idea what was going on. Now, twenty years later, the signs seems so obvious and I wonder how my mom didn't know. How she could let one daughter leave and keep two in the same house with that man. I can see how my sister has allowed the anger to grow inside her and changer her. She may never be able to admit it, but every choice she has made has been colored by his actions.
This morning just before I woke up, I had a dream that my entire body was tilled like the rich dark soil from my grandma's garden. Things that had been covered were brought to the surface. I remember thinking "This is going to hurt." and it does.

My dreams won't let me rest. Several nights ago I dreamed David was pregnant with twin boys. One was much larger than the other and I was so worried for the smaller one that I cut David's stomach open to check on him. The babies were fine so I closed up the stomache as if checking on unborn babies in this manner were completely routine.
Last night I dreamed that my grandmother and grandfather died within days of each other and my mom had a heart attack. The only person I wanted to talk to about it was Aola, but I couldn't find her number. I was searching everywhere and calling everyone I knew but there was no phone number for Aola.

Anyone know what kind of tree this is?