Tired of cleaning house, working, taking the dogs out, aruging with Erin, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, dealing with rude customers, being tired.

It's been a long week and it isn't over yet. I have to work up until the day I leave for Mexico. Never has a vacation been more needed, not that I've ever been on vacation. This is the first time I've not visited family and called it a vacation. I'd be more excited if I wasn't so tired.

I live in the land of liberals and tolerance. What I find amusing is that they only tolerate opinions that are similar to their own. I recently had dinner with a friend of a friend whose husband is in the military and was deployed to Iraq. You would be shocked at the things people said to her when they found out he was deployed. People who are supposedly more tolerant than those in other areas of the country aren't so tolerant when you disagree with their opinions. They speak of peace, love, and acceptance, but only if you agree with them. We have become so polarized that we forget that we share a common bond. We seek out our differences and use them to tear one another down. What if we saught out what we have in common and built upon that?

Jen was here and gone in what seemed like a matter of minutes. Her visit was short but sweet. We haven't seen each other in four years and it was so good to see her again. She and I grew up spending every summer together. Her parents live just down the road from my grandparents. We did the whole San Francisco thing on Saturday. I'm working on a layout to commemorate the day. I'll post it here when I'm finished.
Erin and I spend the day shopping today. We found some really great deals at Melvyn's. I got a new dress, some shorts, a new tank top and a swimsuit top to go with some blue board shorts I have. Erin got too many things to mention. She grows so fast that I hate spending too much on her clothes. I was glad we were able to find everything on sale.
The countdown to Mexico has begun!

Please say a prayer for my grandmother. She is on her way to the hospital in Norman, OK right now to have a test run on her liver. She went to the ER very sick last night. All I know is that her liver numbers are too high.

Jen will be arriving any minute! I'm so excited I can't stand it! We have a big day in S.F. planned for tomorrow. That's the two of us in the canoe many moons ago. Jen was smiling but just a few minutes later the smile was gone. I almost tipped us trying to get a picture of a silly bird. When I developed the film (years later) the bird was barely visable. Jen thought that was too funny! She risked her life for a picture of some trees.
This is a really big trip for her. She's never been west of Cleavland and has never seen an ocean, not even the Atlantic though she lives within a day of it. She called me last night from the beach where she was enjoying the sunset.

For A

Live Without Thought Of Dying
St. Catherine Of Siena

We work so hard to fly
and no matter what heights we reach
our wings get folded near a candle,
at the end,

for nothing can enter God but Himself.
Our souls are some glorious substance of the divine
that no sentry wants to stop.

Live without thought of dying,
for dying is not a truth.

We have swayed on the sky's limb together,
many years there the same leaves grow.

But then they get that look in their eyes
and bid farewell to what they disdained or cherished.

This life He gave the shell, the daily struggles we know,
sit quiet for a minute, dear, feel the wind,
let Light touch you.

Live without thought of dying,
for dying is not a
truth.

I just finished "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" by Mitch Albom. For such a small book, it really packed a punch. I fell in love with Eddie in the first chapter. He reminded me of my grandpa. Like in "Tuesdays With Maurie", Mitch Albom chalenged me to look at my life and the world in a much broader spectrum and to stop pretending that my life is its own little bubble neither touching or being touched by anyone elses. It reminded me of this commercial.

Just playing around on my day off. David bought Erin these flowers for her graduation. It is actually a bouquet of sunflowers, and some other flowers I don't know the name of. These green ones have been calling to me to photograph them.

Perspective

Somewhere along the way my dreams got too big for me. I've drawn them back in and reminded them what they are supposed to be. Even when dreaming we have to be true to ourselves. A big house with a fancy car and all the things that will make the Jones drool is not what I want. It's never been what I wanted. All of the stress and worry over our upcomming move was created because I lost perspective. I forgot what it is we're trying to do by moving away. We are tired of the bigger, better, more mentality. We crave simplicity, peace, and quiet.

I adore the jewelry at
Super hero Designs. I love her use of bright bold colors and the simplicity of her designs. As a former employee of a very well known craft store, I have more crafting supplies than I know what to do with. This morning I pulled out the jewelry making supplies and started creating. What I came up with is nothing close to the fabulous creations at Super Hero Designs, but I think it suits me. I love the soft subtle colors and romantic feel of the different beads. It's like wearing a treasure chest around my neck. What do you think Kristen? Will this work with the black dress?

What if I screw it all up? What if this move isn't the right one? What if we get there and realize it's all wrong? These are the questions that keep me up at night. I've wanted this for as long as I can remember and that is what I'm afraid of. What if my want of it is clouding my vision? Maybe I'm just trying to make excuses because I'm scared. I know that is it. I'm getting cold feet about moving. It would be so much easier to stay here, but here we are stuck in jobs we don't really love and Erin is stuck with a school where there is a police station on campus. We have all the answers here, but they don't add up to the life we want. There are only questions there, questions and possibility.

Finally the little green light on my DSL modem is staying green longer than a few seconds. Thank you AT&T!
It's a beautiful Saturday and I am working. At least I have two very large windows to let in all the beautiful sun. We were planning on going to the lake with Laurie tomorrow but it turns out I have to work. David is supposed to work, but I just can't do that to him. He works six days a week as it is and tomorrow he is only on as a back up for his job which should mean he will have some time to rest. So, when my boss scheduled him to work tomorrow, I told him I would work for him. I am such a nice wife! I just keep repeatig to myself "only three more months, only three more months".
Plans have changed regarding where we will live when we move. I'm not really suprised. I'm looking for a place to rent again.
I leave for Mexico in three weeks and three days! I can't believe I'm really going!
Erin graduates from Fifth grade the Thursday. They are having a pool party and fun day on Monday. I can't believe how quickly the year went. My little girl is growing up!
Have a good weekend!

A Time To Heal

David's family has a beautiful tradition of being cremated and then planting a tree with the ashes. For Pam we planted an Austrian Pine complete with an "Elvis Parking Only" sign above it. There was no service in the traditional sense. We gathered around as the tree was planted and shared our favorite Pam memories. We laughed. We cried. We remembered. I created a slide show presentation of Pam's pictures that we watched together. We laughed, cried, and remembered some more. We ate chocolate, drank apple pie, and ate a little more chocolate. We finished the family cook book, a project Pam started and never got to finish. My heart was full as I opened one of the cook books and realized it was one she had made for me, the last thing she made for me. Most importantly, we all stopped to acknowledge that there is a Pam shaped hole in all of our hearts that will never be filled.