My last Sunday in California

I woke up early this morning not to enjoy the beautiful sunrise, but to finish up some work. It hit me yesterday morning as I was lying in bed that this is our last week here. With all the planning and packing, you might think this revelation would have come sooner, but not for me. The future is always so unimaginable to me. I can make plans and dream, but the reality of what tomorrow brings is almost always a surprise. I've learned along the way to take those surprises as they come and to be thankful when they are the good kind.

The first time I flew into San Jose my eyes widened to take in all that is the Bay Area. Houses were not surrounded by large green lawns as they were in Oklahoma. Instead they were crammed in next to one another like an intricate living puzzle. From my perch in the clouds, I saw freeways lined with cars and an ant farm of people busily moving from one place to the next. It was a shock to the system of this country girl and it didn't end when the plane landed. The airport was thick with a sea of people moving in every direction. My safe spot was David. I found him and let out a little sigh of relief. A native to the area, he was not phased by the traffic that whizzed by us on the freeway or the throngs of people that crowded the movie theater and restaurants. Like a child seeing everything for the first time, I took it all in. At the time, I couldn't imagine living in such a place. Everything felt so cold and unfamiliar. My first few months here were filled with transition. I felt like the proverbial square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Little by little California grew on me. Our first camping trip to Del Val opened my eyes to the beauty of California. Yellow hills roll on for miles and miles to the east of us while lush mountain terrain lies to our west. The ocean is cold and salty, but beautiful in a way that Hollywood doesn't portray it. The people here are as diverse as the landscape. This is the part of California that changed me the most. The melting pot of ideas and beliefs opened my eyes to a world of possibilities that I grabbed hold of and clung to. I'm still holding on.

When I think about leaving this place in six days I am equal parts excited, scared, and sad. For better or for worse this place has been our home for the past decade. We fell in love here, were married here, and started a family here. While I am certain that the greatest adventures lie ahead of us, I remember fondly the adventures we've had here. I will miss camping at our favorite spot, shopping at the grocery store we've been going to for the last ten years, the movie theater where we watched our first movie together, the park Erin and I love to ride bikes at, and the many other things that made this place home to us. The Bay Area is a place of transition. People come and go with the rise and fall of jobs. This place is used to new faces. I know it will not miss me, but I will miss it.

Thanks for all the encouragement!

I think I'm over my pity party now. I purchased a glucose monitor yesterday and am testing it out. After lunch yesterday my glucose was 104 which is great! Then, I had a high carb dinner just to test things out and my glucose reading was high. It was still a tiny bit high this morning when I woke up which isn't surprising considering the high carb meal last night. I'm trying to test the limits. This morning I ate a more sensible meal and tried to stay in the 15 grams of carbs range. I'll test again in an hour to see how it goes. I'm most worried about staying on track during our trek across the country. It's easy to pay attention when I'm at home and have access to the foods I need. It's a completely different story when I'm on the road and being tempted by convenience food. We are planning on packing a cooler with water and drinks. I'll probably throw in some fruits and yogurt. Anyone have any other quick and easy ideas for eating healthy on the road?

Packing has come to a complete stall. I'm not sure what happened, but somehow I lost motivation. We're very near the end and tying up all the lose ends has always been my weak spot. I'm at the point where I've done all the major stuff and just want to be through with it already.

Five needle pokes and four hours later...

They decide I have gestational diabetes. (Insert long frustrated moan.) I've been eating so well and avoiding sugar for the most part. After talking to the nurse, it appears that out of the four tests, I failed one and didn't even fail that one by much. She said she has no doubt I'll be able to control it with diet and exercise. My first test which was the eight hour fast had a result of 86 which was well within the range of normal. I have to go pick up the results to find out which test was off and by how much. For others, this may seem like no big deal, but to me who worries about everything medical, it's huge. Now I wonder if the small piece of cheesecake I had the day before I found out the test results hurt Hayden. It's silly and ridiculous, I know, but there is just so much you don't know when your pregnant. I was feeling so good and proud of myself for only having gained five pounds since my very first doctors visit, and then this hits and I feel like I have failed.

Luau Baby!

We had a wonderful time at Hayden's baby shower! Laurie, Gina, and May did a fantastic job of organizing everything. It was a coed shower with a luau theme. From the diaper smelling game to the key lime pie, we loved everything about it. Hayden got cute new outfits as well as the rain forest play yard and jumper which we received two of so we'll be returning one for the portable swing! Most importantly we had a wonderful time with our friends and family together. Our days here are numbered and it was nice to have everyone together. The weather cooperated and it was a beautiful day!


David kept forgetting the gifts were for Hayden!


Our loving family.


The luau gang!


Dad, Mom, & Big sister!


Jason due anytime now, Rachelle due August 17th, Me, & Shauna due November 9th.


Laurie & Me. She did an amazing job of putting the shower together!

This made me laugh!!

And I really needed a good laugh after a week of emotional ups and downs. Pregnancy hormones! Packing is going along smoothly, as long as I'm the one doing it. David is simply too busy to pack. We'll see what he says when he finds out I haven't packed anything of his, and I don't plan on doing it either. :) I'm evil! I've packed around 30 boxes and donated another 20. I've packed up my closet, my drawers, all the nick-knacks, all of the books, some of Erin's room, most of the kitchen, all of the photos/posters/art work, and I have even managed to get all of Erin's home schooling supplies packed up and ready to send back to the virtual academy. We have two weeks and two days left to finish. David still needs to work on the back closet, his movie closet, and storage. Oh, and he'll need to pack his closet and dresser unless he plans on going naked. I need to list the couches, book shelf, two bikes, a desk, a dresser, and the dining room table on Craigslist while we still have time for people to pick them up. The couches are an issue since I have no idea where we will sit if we sell them too early. If I weren't pregnant the floor would do, but I am and it won't. I also have to motivate myself to help Erin in her room. It's just such a mess in there! Cleanliness and organization are not her strong suit and as hard as I've tried to help her keep it done, it just became too much trouble and I finally let her keep it a mess.

On a good note, I only have 10 more days of work! This makes me giggle with glee. On and even better note, my Laurie is throwing us a baby shower this Sunday. It's going to be a small co-ed affair with a Luau theme. I'm excited to spend time with our friends in an outdoor setting with good food and family fun. There aren't many of these opportunities left so I plan on making the most of it.

Because my last day is in 3 weeks..

I'm spending my spare time at work making digital scrapbook pages. I'm really not one to ever slack off on the job, but everything is done and it's too hot to do anything requiring much activity. Besides, this is fun.

Birth stories please!

I'm decidedly on the fence regarding a natural birth vs. having pain medication. I've read the pros and cons, and understand that this is a decision I have to make for myself. What I have decided is that having a plan and being prepared is the best policy, but it's also important to keep my options open because anything can happen. What I'm interested in hearing are the stories of women I know and trust. In my opinion bringing a new life into this world is an amazing and heroic achievement regardless of how it comes about. That being said, I've never done this before and all the reading in the world won't be of as much value as the real life experiences of women I trust and admire. I was in the delivery room when my sister was in labor with Erin. She did not have an epidural but did have an IV of pain medication. Even with that, she was in excruciating pain. The labor was long and difficult ultimately ending in a cesarean. Being in the delivery room with Laurie was the complete opposite. She chose to have an epidural. She was completely alert and aware of what was going on. She knew when to push and delivered Taylor after five hours of labor. I won't say that it seemed easy, but compared to Erin's delivery, Taylor's seemed much easier.

What's your story? Did you make a decision or just go with the flow of things? Is there anything about your labor and delivery that you would change?

Already Rebelious

Hayden can be kicking up a storm but as soon as David's hand gets anywhere near my belly, he stops. As I type, he is practicing baby karate. I'm sure he'll tire out just in time for David to get home. I've talked to him about this early onset of baby rebellion and let him know that it will not be tolerated. Secretly I think it's hilarious!

The news of Alyssa's arrival has sent my I-want-Hayden-here-now feelings into overdrive. This is bad news considering I'm just now finishing the second trimester. Seeing Alyssa's sweet little face and tiny fingers makes my heart swell with mom-emotion. Hayden is warm and safe where he is, and that's just where I want him to stay until he is big, and strong. (Not to big though!)

In the meantime, I've been occupying myself with all things move related. I've packed up several boxes and given away even more. All of the photos and nick-knacks have been packed making our apartment seem dull and boring. Luckily, we only have 24 days of staring at the blank walls left.

The ever increasing rate of fuel prices makes me happy we sold our truck. It was a decision I wasn't thrilled with, but knew we needed to make. The truck wasn't a practical family car and hefting a baby into the hind seat would have wreaked havoc on my back. So we sold our truck and bought my sister-in-law's 2003 Saturn Vue. It's a lovely little thing with excellent gas millage, and best of all I don't have to jump to get into it. It will also save us big bucks on our trek across the country which begins in only 24 days! Have I mentioned that already?

We were supposed to be in San Diego this weekend, but things changed. My sweet niece was in the hospital for dehydration after contracting a stomach virus. It only cut our trip short by a day and a half, but having only two days in San Diego made the eight hour drive seem less than worth it so I opted out of the trip.

My diet over the last week has been awful! My mood and psyche have taken the brunt of the abuse. Last night I woke up at 2 a.m. in the middle of a panic attack. I have reason to panic. We are moving in four weeks, and are having a baby in three months. These are stressful times. What worries me is not the panic attack, but the feeling of hopelessness that threatened to overtake me. I had this exact type of attack when we brought Erin home. Everything in my head spun out of control and all I could imagine was my ultimate and utter failure as a parent, wife, and human being. Each attack has only lasted a few minutes and I'm always able to pull myself back to sanity. I consider myself lucky to have that ability. I know that eating a healthy diet and exercising are huge factors in good mental health. Any time I start eating crap food, I start feeling like crap. So, no more junk food for me. After having yogurt for breakfast and plenty of water, I'm already feeling much better. I'm going to monitor these feelings and emotions as well. Just in case.

Final teacher conference, more pipe problems, and an Oreo overdose

We had our final visit with Erin's teacher today. It went well. I can't believe the year is almost over! She has about two weeks worth of work and then we will officially be on summer break. We are both ready. Recently she's been doing more work independently which has been good for both of us. It's given her more responsibility and taken some of the load off of my shoulders. She'll be returning to public school next year. We will be in an area where we won't have to worry about gang violence or a police station on school grounds, and she is desperate to have the social aspect of school back. I can't say that I blame her. Working full time made it impossible for us to attend most of the home school outings that were planned in our area. While I am one of the most-hip-moms-eva it's not cool for a 12-year-old to hang out with her mom.

Our water is out again. A break in the main line is the culprit this time. The plumber is here now digging like a mad man to find the break. One big tummy that plays home to a bladder kicking baby and no bathroom is a recipe for disaster!

Do you want to know how stupid I can be? I'll tell you. I'm not a Oreo fan, and never really have been. I prefer chocolate chip cookies or better yet, double chocolate chip cookies. Why then did I eat eight, EIGHT! Oreos after lunch? I'm fairly certain I've put Hayden into a sugar comma, and my body is on sugar overload. In fact, you should all be reading this post quickly to keep up with how fast I am typing it. What a silly thing to do!