My small part of the world is so beautiful during the early evening hours that I want to swallow the amber glow of the setting sun whole. I wanted to capture the beauty of it on film today, but I was busy keeping Hayden from eating grass.
We sat in the humidity for a few hours today selling baby things at the community yard sale. By two o'clock we'd had all we could stand and decided it was time to swim. It was Hayden's first trip to the pool and he had so much fun. He kicked and splashed, tried to drink the water, and even went under water once. He came up coughing and laughing. I'm trying so hard to soak up all of these moments. They grow so quickly and I don't want to feel as if I've missed anything.

I don't think I've told you that I got a job. It's a part time job at my favorite retail store, Ross. I took it mostly because I want the discount, but also to help finance my photography business and to give our income a little boost. I also want David to feel like he has the freedom to look for another job. He's quickly becoming frustrated with his current schedule and long drive. He's put in a few applications and we're waiting to hear back. I hope he finds something with normal hours that is closer to home. I'll be sad to be away from Hayden, but it will only be for a few hours a day and my grandma will be with him so he'll be well taken care of.

I'm really looking forward to my twin being here next week. I have no idea what type of adventures we'll go on, but we always manage to have fun. She could really use your thoughts/prayers right now. I'm hopeful that this few weeks away will strengthen and renew her spirit for the road ahead.

On and on and on it goes.

I'm still here. Blogging seems to be a luxury these days.
Hayden is crawling faster than I can think and loves to explore. I wouldn't trade these days, but I won't miss the constant run to keep up with him. He's growing so fast. Currently, he is waving hello, saying his version of "hi", bumping knuckles, and almost standing up. He still loves squash and sweet potatoes and is trying things like chicken and vegetable dinner, and spaghetti and meatballs, but isn't sure about those yet. He loves chicken (I'm guessing he gets that from me.) and bread. He's also a big fan of whatever I'm eating. He only has the two teeth still, but he loves using them to chew.
Erin is enjoying her summer. She's gone on a few ATV rides with her dad, is playing lots of softball, and is really looking forward to swimming when the rain ends. This morning she woke up with a big smile on her face and proceeded to share with me that she had the most wonderful dream in which she made out with a super hot guy. Yep, I bet you're all super jealous of me right now. Who doesn't want a completely hormone crazed teenage daughter?!?
David is working all the time. He's currently on the hunt for a new job and has a few good leads. He's looking for something a little closer to home.
Me? I'm feeling much better than I have in weeks. I drastically underestimated what having open heart surgery would do to my body and energy level. I even further underestimated what another sickness a few weeks after surgery would do to my psyche. I went through a little rough patch for about a week when I wondered why in the hell I put myself through all of that anyway, but now I'm feeling almost back to normal. I'm perusing the photography thing with a vengeance and have gotten great response from so many people. I have four weddings scheduled for this summer! My twin sister will be here in a few weeks and I'm really looking forward to having her and my beautiful niece and nephew here. The gardens are planted, the house is clean, the weather is wonderful. It's going to be a good summer.

The Scar

I'm self conscious about it in a way I did not expect to be. It's visable above the top of almost every shirt I own. It is red and rises from my pale white skin snaking between my breast. I don't like that it's there for everyone to see. It tells a story I'd rather not be told until I'm ready to tell it. People see it and start conversations with questions like "Is that what I think it is? You are much too young for that!". One man saw it and welcomed me to the "zipper club".

love Monday morning

My recent stay in the hospital was difficult, even more difficult than the stay in September that kept me away from Hayden. At least with that one and the one for the surgery I was heavily medicated.
I went to the ER thinking I would be prescribed antibiotics and sent home. When they started a drip of Vancomiacin, I knew I wasn't going home. On Sunday they said I'd be going home on Tuesday. When I spiked a fever early Tuesday morning I knew I wasn't going home and had a bit of a break down. I called David crying, and then my mom called and I started crying again. I don't handle fevers well anyway and when you combine a fever with a lonely hospital room it makes for a very whinny Sandra.
From my count I was poked for blood draws a total of 15 times, some were successful and others were not. My veins seem to sense needles and put on their armor of steel. By Thursday the doctors decided to stop playing around and ordered a CT, echo of the heart, EKG, and an echo of both legs to rule out a blood clot. The CT was nasty. I'm almost certain that whatever they give you via IV kills cells. It feels like your cells are melting and makes you feel like you are wetting your pants even though you aren't. At least it didn't last as long as the MRI I had in September, and the little hole they put you in is open on both sides so there was no claustrophobic reaction. It was very cool to see an echo of my heart post operation. The last tech to do one before the surgery showed me the hole and how the blood shunted from the right chamber to the left. This time I was able to point out the repair on my own. There was no shunting.
Thursday afternoon I had the worst case of chills I have ever had in my life and I've had a lot of fevers. My entire body shook so hard I'm not sure how I stayed on the bed and I was certain I was going to either bite my tongue off or chip a tooth. Luckily my dad and step-mom had stopped by for a visit and she covered me in blankets so I could at least get comfortable. My temp went up to 102.5 and finally broke an hour and a half after taking 800mg Motrin.
By Friday morning they had ruled out every other possible diagnosis. The infectious disease team came in and ran a few more tests to rule out pneumonia because there is a slight void in my left lower lung. It's most likely a result of the surgery and me not taking deep enough breaths because it hurts. All of the tests came back negative leaving pericarditis as the only possibility. As soon as they put me on Motrin the fevers went away.
By Saturday morning I'd gone 36 hours without a fever and all of the specialists agreed I could go home. I called David at 7:30 in the morning and told him to COME GET ME! He arrived around 9:30 and I had been ready to go for an hour. I jumped in the wheel chair ( they make you leave by wheel chair) and told David to get me out of there before they found a reason to keep me.
Since coming home I've had no fevers, chills, or body aches. I can feel when I'm over doing it and I take a rest. Mentally I'm ready for this to be over. I am ready to be back to my old self again. I'm crossing my fingers that nothing else hinders the recovery process.