Thursday, October 20, 2005

A Complete Dramatization of Actual Events

Today I called my sister after months of not calling. Sometimes it's easier not to hear her voice, not to be reminded of the miles that separate us or the improbability of our paths ever running parallel again. It's easier to imagine us living down the street from one another our children playing outside as we sip lemonade and snack on childhood memories.
Today her voice held a sadness so thick she choked on it. I tried to console her as best I could from 2,000 miles away, but my mind got hung up on phrases I couldn't make fit into the portrait I have of her.
"I threw all the shot glasses away. I haven't had a drink in over
a month."
She drinks? Oh yes, I knew that. She drinks enough to feel the need to abstain from drinking?
"I've done things. He can't trust me."
What is she saying? I don't understand. Am I sure I called the right number?
The conversation ended abruptly when the battery on my cell phone died. Though we had only talked a few minutes, each second spelled out a truth I didn't want to hear. She has changed. I am embarrassed at the way I have allowed things to progress, saddened that I haven't taken more of an interest; made more of an effort, and scared that all the things that are familiar between us have slipped away.


aola said...
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aola said...

I'm sorry that your sister is having trouble. I know you love her a lot and I know you have always felt respsonsible for her but you shouldn't feel bad for having your own life.

Sandra said...

I know. I know. You could have left the frist message. I needed to hear it. :) I don't feel bad..well sometimes I do. Mostly I'm just sad that all the things I hoped for about us being close seem impossible.
Thank you for the encouragement.
love ya!

aola said...

I know. Sometimes the bad choices that the people we love make hurt us almost as much as they hurt themselves.
I'm just sorry for her and also for how it makes you feel.
I guess all we can do is pray for her. (talking to her doesn't seem to change anything).

The first message seemed a little hard and I didn't mean it that way at all.