Thursday, October 13, 2005

It's almost Friday, and I'm faced with the prospect of attending bible study with Gina once again. I didn't attend last week because David and I were not feeling well. Unfortunantly, we're feeling fine this week. I just don't want to go. I don't want to walk into a room filled with people who have been told way to much about me from someone who sees things in black and white. I don't want to have to defend myself. I don't want to feel like the one everyone is trying to save. Mostly, I don't want to go in with the attitude that I'm going to show them truth or that I need to fix their thinking. Knowing Gina and the "discussions" we have had, I'm not sure that I can go into this with an open heart and mind. I'm already aggitated just writing this blog post. I don't know these people. It isn't fair for me to make any assumptions about them or the bible study they hold, but they have already been made.
Why am I even considering going? In the begining, I thought it might be fun to just make some random comments and really get them going. Then, it was because I didn't want to disapoint Gina. How that became an issue I don't know. Now, it's because I don't want them to think what Gina said about me is true. Why am I not okay just walking my path? Why do I feel the need to justify it to everyone around me? Why do I care what a group of people I don't even know think about me? Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck at square one. I'm like the kid in second grade who's paying attention to everything but the teacher. All the while God just gently calls my attention back to him. This isn't about bible study, church, or who's in the group and who isn't. This is about listening to the teacher.


aola said...

can I say "I told you so,now?"

It is ok not to go, you gives a flying rip what they (any of them including Gina) think or don't think. You don't have to prove anything to any one and you know that!!

Just say NO!

Seeker said...

Here's my suggestion: Go to the Bible study and do the following:

1. Fire up a joint in the middle of the Bible study and say, "I always take a few tokes before opening the Word." If you're too tame for that, pull out a flask of whiskey and take a swig - be sure and spill some on the couch.

2. Cuss a lot. If you don't know the words, Aola can teach you! :o)

3. Tell everyone you are demon possessed when you first arrive, and then just stand up on the coffee table and start screaming at them in the middle of Bible study.

After that, keep bugging Gina about it. Call her every day for a week and let her know "I can't wait for the next Bible study!"

Then you won't have to feel guilty for turning her down, you will never have to wonder what they think of you, and best of all you'll never get invited back!

Good luck!

aola said...

Ohhhh. Mr. Seeker.... I needed a good laugh. Thanks!!

Sandra said...

Both of these posts made me laugh! I ended up calling Gina and telling her that it just isn't where I'm at right now. Whatever she things of me she will think regardless of wether I went to the bible study or not.
You should see the questionaire they sent me to determine my spiritual gift. It's six pages long!!!
Thank you both for the laugh and the support.