Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Killing June

There are times when I don't feel familiar to myself. I see myself folding laundry, making dinner, getting my daughter ready for bed, and think "Who are you?" I connect with the June Cleaver version of me on some levels. I like a tidy home and I want to be the super mom that has cookies ready when Erin gets home from school and can heal anything from a nasty scratch to a broken heart. But there are other versions of me that June has tied up and gagged. She lets them out only when she is exhausted from all of her trying.
There is an artist who dreams of a loft in Paris, San Francisco, or NYC. She has visions of hours spent at a coffee shop sipping on mocha and working in a visual journal.
There is a recluse that hides in the quite spaces. She dreams of nothing but peace and quite. She revels in silence and time for uninterrupted contemplation.
There is a writer who forges time for her art. Her words are woven beautifully into thoughts that tickle the minds of those who read them.
There is a musician that stirs imagination and longing with calloused fingers on guitar strings.
How do I balance all that I aspire to be with the realities of daily life? How do I make time to foster these facets of myself when there is laundry to be done and the dishes are piled up? How have others done it? Does June exist in them to? Is she as loud as my June? Can I slip her a sedative and hope she doesn't wake up?


Kristen said...

Sometimes I tell the artist in me, "Later." I should probably tell June that more often.

Sandra said...

I think I need to tell June that more often too, but she is sooooo loud! Really I border on nervous breakdown when things aren't done..I just want her to shut up! LOL

aola said...

The season of June is a short one; before you know it Erin will be grown up and off doing her own thing then June can take a break and let the artist Sandy be free.
Enjoy being a Mom (and you are a great mom)while it is time.