Tuesday, February 14, 2006

What is manipulation?



Manipulation is a set of behaviors whose goal is to:

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Get you what you want from others even when the others are not willing initially to give it to you.
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Make it seem to others that they have come up with an idea or offer of help on their own when in reality you have worked on them to promote this idea or need for help for your own benefit.
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Dishonestly get people to do or act in a way which they might not have freely chosen on their own.
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"Con'' people to believe what you want them to believe as true.
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Get "your way'' in almost every interaction you have with people, places, or things.
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Present reality the way you want others to see it rather than the way it "really is.''
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Hide behind a "mask'' and let people see you in an acceptable way when in reality you are actually feeling or acting in an ``unacceptable'' way for these people.
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Maintain control and power over others even though they think they have the control and power.
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Make other people feel sorry for you even though it would be better for them to make you accept your personal responsibility for your own actions.
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Get away with not having to do the things necessary to meet your obligations, responsibilities, and duties in life.
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Involve everyone in your life's problems so that you do not have to face the problems alone.
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Keep everything the same so that the "status quo'' is not affected or changed.
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Make others feel guilty or responsible for actions or thoughts which are yours alone.
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Get others to feel like they are responsible for your welfare so that you do not have to make a decision or take responsibility for anything that goes wrong in your life.


I am amazed at how easily some people can manipulate. They say something here or make a comment there. They look a certain way or act another. Sometimes I wonder if they even realize they are manipulating. Maybe they are so used to it that they don't know they are doing it. Maybe it's all they've ever known.
Erin tries to manipulate me. She has in succeded on many occasions, but I am becoming more aware of manipulative tactics in her and others around me. It's difficult not to allow myself to be drug into the emotionalism that is created. It's hard not to feel guilty for not giving them what they want.

2 comments:

Aola said...

Your list is really good. I think I will print it for reference.

I think most people do it to some degree (including me), others are masters at it and I'm like you.. I have to wonder if they consciously do it or if it is so inbred into some that they don't even realize it.
Every thing my Mom does is cenetered around manipulation but I really don't think she knows it or ever has. I think it was just accepted behavior.
My kids try and sometimes we are sucked up into it before we realize what is happening but most of the time I call it pretty quickly. I hate it.
Really good post

Kristen said...

Yeah, this is a good post. Thanks.