Tuesday, October 16, 2007

This fabulous fall morning finds me sipping coffee (thank you Coffee Fool) and wishing I were brave enough to call in sick on a day when I'm feeling fine.
Erin and I seem to be back in the swing of school. It turns out, all the trouble she was giving me last week was the result of a boy. Her current crush attends public school and she was so desperate to join him that she cried hysterically as she pleaded with me to enroll her. Luckily logic won out. The chances that she would even be able to go to the same school he does are slim considering he's in a different district. It's difficult to know where to draw the line when it comes to boys. Part of me wants to scream NO! and run away with her to an all girl island. The other part of me knows that it's perfectly normal for her to be interested in boys. As parents, our job is to decide what is okay and what is not. Currently she says she has a "boyfriend" which is driving David crazy. I understand that boyfriend to her is not the same thing as a boyfriend to a 15 year-old. At most, they hold hands and even that hasn't happened yet. David would like to avoid the entire situation by sending her to an all girls school. While I think that we should set clear boundaries and keep the lines of communication open. Telling her that she can't have a boyfriend is only going to make her want to have one even more and cause her to lie to us when she does have one. I'd rather know about it and be able to monitor the situation and add in my advice and rules as often as possible.
When was your first "boyfriend"? Mine was in Headstart. He pushed me on the swings and I knew I would love him forever!


Anonymous said...

I actually had several "boyfriends" in elementary school. I can't remember what grades, but I know they all happened before 5th grade. There are two I recall with fondness. The one would buy me things...little trinkets and such. The other...and this is my favorite story...wouldn't let me unpack my luch at lunchtime until he had his. He would then unpack it for me and feed my grapes and such. One time, he leaned in to tell me a secret (with his hands cupped over his mouth) and instead of a secret, he gave me a kiss. He then whispered to me to start laughing so everyone would think he told me a secret that way no one would know it was a kiss. Ah...memories...why can't those kinds of things happen now???

Sandra said...

Jen- That has to be the cutest story I've ever heard!

aola said...

thinking about it now... I guess I always had a boyfriend after I started school.

I've told the boys that I really don't get it??? God made us with all these feelings, emotions, needs and desires and then we are told we aren't supposed to have them?? It is the most natural thing, but, it can sure cause a lot of problems.

Thanks, again, God.

Unknown said...

That thrill, that cramp in your stomach, that excitement, that feeling special. There is nothing like being a girl and having your first boyfriend.

I am a huge fan of the philosophy of allowing her to develop a romantic relationship with boundaries. Being able to set boundaries is THE fundamental principal that will empower her as an adult.

Think of what power the ability to say 'This is my limit that I impose upon myself' and be happy in this.

Balance is key to so much. Most of the failures I see in my life are due to this fundamental lack of balance or ability to set boundaries.

E. Michelle said...

I love Cara's answer--- getting her invested in boundaries as a theme, getting her to see that one day she will be entirely responsible for her own boundaries.

Sandra said...

Thank you all!

Cara, that is fabulous advice! It's exactly what I was thinking but didn't quite say correctly.

A, you are right! It's crazy to have all these hormones running wild and then be told to ignore them.