Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Two nights ago I sat on the couch crying buckets, telling David I wanted to send Erin to public school because I'm not good enough to home school her and moaning about the house work piling up and the laundry that won't stop appearing out of no were. I sobbed that no one was taking care of me. Poor David looked at me like a deer caught it headlights. What can I do to make it better, he asked. Give me a list. I'll do whatever it takes.

This is what happens when I don't take/make time for me. When I allow my days to fill up with schooling and laundry and forget that I am not a robot. I can go on like that for weeks at a time, but always there comes the crash at the end. I'm searching for ways to break the cycle. Perhaps it will require making a list which is something I've never wanted to do because no one is making me a list, but if that is what he needs to help me out so that I don't become wifemom robot #32157, then I will make the list.

8 comments:

Becky said...

Been there. Done that. Please read WWRWW

cv said...

I'd rather see you make a list for him (and one for your daughter too! gasp!) that builds in time for all of you to have time to have fun and have alone time, then to have everything pile up and crash over and over again in a predictable cycle of misery.

Mary Kay used to say "Plan your work, and work your plan"

Kristen said...

Love what Cara said--get some "you time" STAT!

Katt said...

Sandy, I know that we have discussed this before and then decided that moving for 5 months and then moving agian is kind of crazy, but if you really need me, I will come help you.
I cant imagine how you feel. I mean I raised you 3 for three years, but I didnt have the home school problem. I cant imagine how frustrating it gets for you.
You know I am alway here if you need me.. for any thing.
I love you.
Mom

Denise said...

Slow down... deep breath... laundry will be there tomorrow... Life is not housework... Nice hot bath with candles... little sip of red wine... Take a short walk... Life piles up like dirty dishes... Refuse to buckle under it.... I have been there toooooooo many times... Laugh a lot.... it is good medicine..........

ad

Old Folks Blog said...

Sandy,there are times when life gets to you,it even happens to me at my age. You are a very wise young lady and intirely to young to be stressed out like that.Take it one day at a time,time for David,time for Erin and time for lifes other needs and mainly,time for YOURSELF....A QUIET TIME.
I think Erin is old enough to share some of the chores,give her some of the responabilites,it will do her good.
I am not trying to tell you what to do,just a few suggestions.
Love you much,
Grandpa.

aola said...

So, how about one more word of advice...

there is no reason for you to do everything!

divide up the chores and get them lists and let them know that you expect them to "get er done"

Here's what works for us..
We go out to eat at least one night a week so I don't have to cook or clean up.
Seth has a dish night one night a week, it gives me a nice break and it is not much to ask.
Seth does his own laundry and has since he was 12.
Of course Seth is responsible for his own room.(I hardly ever yell at him about it even when it does look like a pig pen :)
I usually don't have to tell Mark, if he's not swamped in the shop or gone he always helps out but if he fails to do so it doesn't bother me to remind him.
I don't cook on weekends unless I feel like cooking. If I don't feel like cooking they are quite capable of making sandwhiches.

and... hell, just let it go sometimes.. belive me, it will still be there when you get around to it.

take care of yourself!!!

Sandra said...

Thank you all for you kind words of advise. I didn't mean for this post to come off sounding as whiny as it did. Really, it was a post about change. For years I've worked under the silly assumption that I should not have to create a list for David. My feeling has always been that if there was no one around to give me a list and I was capable of looking at a dirty dish and seeing that it needed washed, he should be able to look at that same dish and come to a similar conclusion. However much I may feel that in a right and good universe this would be true, the fact is, IT IS NOT TRUE! He may look at the dish and see that it is dirty, but for whatever reason that doesn't translate to him cleaning the dish. Please don't think that he just expects me to do them either. That isn't the case.
Anyway, this whole post was just me coming to the realization that David needs a list and that I need David to have a list for my own sanity.
It also has a lot to do with me not feeling like it all has to be done all of the time. Who really cares if my floors are mopped to a shine? No one is coming to visit any time soon.
This has been a cycle I've been all too happy to embrace for the length of our marriage and maybe even longer. I've always been the doer. I do, do, do until I come undone. This post is a prayer that I can stop all the doing and remember that others are capable of doing as well. :)
Thank you all again. I'm so thankful to be surrounded (even if virtually) by so many wise and beautiful people.