Thursday, September 11, 2008

We've been here for two months. They've gone by quickly. In my imaginings of life here, I spent many hours outside sipping lemonade and watching the sunset. Reality never quite matches our expectations. I am almost never outside. It's been unusually hot here and the bugs eat me alive! There is no view of the sunset from our house. It's not bad, it's just different and different is okay.
The warm comforting family I loved as a child seems fragmented in a way I can't explain. They are together, but not in the way I remember as a child. Maybe the death of my grandfather has something to do with that. It's hard to be together and not remember him.
I'm hopeful that the holidays will bring us all back around and I'll have some sense of that feeling I had as a kid, pure and utter amazement that I was apart of something so big and so full of love. I'm sure that Hayden's birth will provide much of that feeling too.

5 comments:

aola said...

I'm sorry things aren't working out like you had imagined. Building or re-building relationships takes time, as you know. So, give it some time.

Kristen said...

I think we all have that sense that things will be better in the next place...and oftentimes, they are better, but it takes time, huh?

Katt said...

I know that feeling Sandy, its sad sometimes but chin up chick. Knowing that family as well as I do, the holidays will be good ones for you, just in the fact you have not had holidays with you family for a long while.
A new baby on the way, a new start and family that loves you. These are the good times babe, just soak as much up as you can. It will all come out just fine.
From my mouth to Gods ear.
Love you so much
Mom

Cara said...

I think expectations can be so cruel to us. We imagine and expect our way to disappointment. The phrase 'you can never go home again' is so true, but you can do this:

You can make this home your home and enjoy your family for who they are now. The heat and bugs will soon be gone, replaced by fall leaves and cool breezes.

You'll have your beautiful boy in your arms in a couple of weeks, and you have a peaceful place and prosperity.

You also have your wonderful childhood memories. You can help Erin and Hayden have theirs!

:)

Kristen said...

I just want you to know...I am so excited for you! I've been counting down the days till your due date (even though I know it could be days before or days after--it could be right now)! BTW, don't be worried about knowing when you are in labor. You'll know.