Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Maybe it's the time of year.  The dull gray tones of bare trees against a pale blue sky always remind me of loss.  In school I learn the clinical diagnosis for different types of death.  They all equal loss; someone is missing a father or mother, a sister or brother, a child. We read about liver failure and ventilators and I see Pam, the rise and fall of her chest as a machine took breaths for her, the tubes that seemed to be everywhere, and the empty catheter bag that let us know her body had nothing left to give.  There was so much I didn't know at the time, so many signs I didn't know to look for.
It was in November that I became a legal member of her family, though she welcomed me in long before David and I ever said I do.  It was in November of each year that we gathered at her mother's house in Oregon to celebrate Thanksgiving with too much food and never enough time.  It was in November that we lost her. 


aola said...

she is never gone as long as you remember

thanks for letting us remember with you

MOM said...

That is beautiful Sandy. I was thinking just today how much mom and dad are on my mind, and in my heart. Some days I smile or laugh when I tell someone something funny about them. Yesterday I shared a pic of mom to a lady at school after she had admired my new black hat. I smiled when she said how beautiful mom was. This morning, I put that hat up and cried but like Aola sid, they are always with us.