Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Has anyone else watched the A&E show, Heavy?  I watched it for the first time last night and was inspired by the two remarkable ladies on the show.  What struck me most was how weight is never really about the food we over-eat or the exercises we refuse to do.  It seems as though, for women especially, there is always some underlying emotional reason to pack on the pounds.  It made me think about my own body and the weight I have gained since having Hayden.  A large portion of the weight gain was my own choice to eat whatever I wanted before having surgery.  I thought that if I was going to go out, I'd be eating cheesecake on the way.  It sounded good in theory, but once I was on the other side of the operating table, I realized how flawed my thinking was.  Nearly two years later, I've still got the proof of my insanity hanging on my waist and butt.  The question is, why do I keep it here?  I know what to do to get it off. It's simple math.  I think the answer is self-doubt. I doubt my own ability to stick to a plan. I don't my body's ability to be strong. 
In my dreams I run.  Not the wimpy sort of running I used to do before my surgery when I'd run out of breath and feel the burning fire in my lungs.  I run with rhythm and grace.  I feel the air slide in and out of my lungs at just the rite pace. 
This is my goal.  To run a mile by my two-year anniversary, May 4th.  Life is too short for self-doubt.


aola said...

it would be so cool to be able to really run... sometimes I watch Rufus as he flies through a field at top speed (usually chasing a squirrel or a bird or something I never see). I marvel at his grace and speed and wish I was like that... all lean and muscle and full of energy.

Good Luck with your goal.

Kristen said...

I think I struggle with self-doubt also.

Hope you make your goal!