Monday, May 07, 2012

All day Friday I kept looking at the date and thinking "May 4th. That date should mean something." But I couldn't figure it out. It just now hit me. It's been 3 years since I had open heart surgery. Three glorious, crazy, difficult, beautiful, nothing special, everything amazing years. Not everyone is so lucky to get a shock that makes them stop and take stock. Not everyone has to face the reality that tomorrow may not happen. It made me strong. It made me less afraid. It made me thankful. It turned everything I thought I knew about myself, life, and the way the world turns upside down. Every morning I trace my fingers along the ragged scar that runs down my chest. I feel the ridges where my breast bone has been wired together. New life was formed here. A new chance was given. Without the surgery I would have died in my fifties. Twenty years from now when Erin is hopefully in the middle of raising a family and Hayden is just beginning one I hope I will remember why May 4th matters. I read this blog She is battling ovarian cancer. I don't pretend to know her struggle. But I can relate. I know how it feels to wake up every morning and wonder, to have a heart that is filled with equal parts fear and hope. I know the way a mothers heart breaks when she imagines her children living without her. I know how a long stay in a hospital can feel like a trip to the moon where people in funny coats mumble crazy words that make your head hurt. Here's to you Jen. Here's to your fight and to the hope that you will have a May 4th to look back on.

1 comment:

Regina Timothy said...

Hi Sandra,

We love the poetry featured on this site and we would like to feature them on our new literary blog If interested (or you have any questions)send them to and we will get back to you.


Regina Timothy,
Editor, B-Gina Review