Slow Motion

We can all agree that 2020 has not been the year we imagined, planned for, or in any way ever expected.  It's hard for me to even put into words what I've felt over the past few months. Like many of you, I've been on an emotional roller coaster. I remember reading posts in the beginning of all of this that talked about not returning to "normal".  I was torn by those posts.  I loved my normal.  I was working as a nurse with an amazing client that I love.  I got to be at school every day with my boy.  I was looking forward to a summer off and planning for a garden and adventures.  Then it all came screeching to a halt. I know I'm not alone in this.  In fact, this is probably one of the most un-alone times I've ever experienced.  In my little town, our country, and across the world this story is repeated again and again.  "Two weeks to flatten the curve." became a mantra I repeated to myself as I tried to tame my anxiety by cleaning out closets and scrubbing walls.  Two weeks turned into a month. One month turned into two and on it goes. 

We are nearing the start of school and while that comes with so many questions and fears, I can look back now and say I don't want to go back to normal.  I have loved this time with my boys.  LOVED IT.  Of course I want to work. I love my career.  I don't want my career to consume me. I don't want to forget that these days with my boys are numbered. I don't want to  jump back into things and forget all the beauty that came with living life a little more slowly.  We grew things: potatoes, tomatoes, zinnias.  We wandered the garden in the mornings looking for signs of new life.  We gasped over every new leaf and flower.  We noticed sunlight filtering through leaves and droplets of water sliding down petals.  

We went on an adventure in our new-to-us pop-up camper recently and I savored every moment.  This was our first camping trip with the boys.  (I'm seriously embarrassed to say that, but life happens fast.)  We sat by the fire and played hide and seek in the dark with glow sticks.  We hiked to a waterfall and tubed down the Clarion River.  We laughed so much.  We ate yummy foods and planned future adventures.  It was just what this heart of mine needed to remind me to keep it slow. It will be easy to fall back into the routines of life.  It will be easy to get caught up in things that distract me from all of the beauty that surrounds me.  I hope these memories will be the lifeline that pulls me back when I forget.