Sunday, November 26, 2006

Pam passed away today. After talking with several doctors and asking a milion questions we decided that it was time to pull life support. Her kindeys were failing and her heart was starting to go. We saw no point in keeping her going when there was no hope that her lungs would recover. She put up a good fight, but it wasn't enough. I have cried so much I am out of tears. I am thankful that we went to see her as much as we did, and that I chose to have some alone time with her yesterday. I thanked her for my wonderful husband, and for all of her love and support. I told her to fight if there was anything left in her, but if there wasn't and she needed to let go we would all understand. I held her hand today as she took her last breath. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I waited half expecting her to open her eyes and ask me what was going on. Even now it doesn't seem real. Part of me expects to go back to the hospital tomorrow to see how she is doing. Part of me feels like the world should stop for just a moment, but life doesn't work that way. I want a place between life and death where you can stop to catch your breath. One where everything is suspended for just a moment. It feels like everything happened too fast.

6 comments:

Aola said...

I'm so sorry for your pain but so very proud of you for being the person you are, that you could be there to help her cross over knowing that she was loved to the very end.

You are an amazing woman, Sandra.

Kristen said...

I can't say it like Aola, but I agree with her so much. It is wonderful you have no regrets about the time you spent with her.

We will be thinking about you during this time.

Becky said...

Sandy,
I'm so sorry.

erica said...

-that post oozed love and dignity.-
I feel richer having read it.

Sandra said...

Thank you all for your kind words.

Anonymous said...

Is this true ?I am so sorri I feel so bad even though I did not do it !!I hope that you can get over it !!!!!Plese come and comment me please!!Thank you samanhta!!!!!!!!!!!