Monday, February 04, 2008

40 Year Old Secret

This secret inspired me to think about what I really want for my life. What does my heart say when I let it speak? Without the pressure of what is expected what would I be? My family is an easy going one, they only want me to be happy. I'm the one who applies the pressure and money seems to always be involved. How silly to place so many goals on the achievement of a thing thats value fluctuates more than my weight. I don't want to wait until I am forty to decide to live for me.

2 comments:

cv said...

Sometimes, it takes a long time to quit pleasing everyone else. Sometimes, saying no seems just so hard and letting others down in any way seems like the worst thing on earth.

What do you really want? What is the money component really GETTING you? Security? Stuff? if it's stuff, then what about the stuff makes you feel you need it? To fit in, to be superior to someone, to show someone that you have overcome?

These questions are at the root of figuring out the answer to your question I think.

For so many years I was such a pleaser of people, at parties I'd become "Cara the Servant Girl", I was always the comedian, the one who would work extra, the one who would do whatever anyone wanted. I could not tolerate having anyone disapprove of me at all. The root of that was my very violent childhood, where there was no small measure of discipline. Every trespass earned me maximum punishment. A broken dish got me the same beating as if I had burnt down a house.


I think lots of people have a turning point around 40 because they just wear out.

I hope you can find your answer now, because it will save you pain later.

Kristen said...

I liked this secret a lot, too. Something to think about for sure.