Friday, November 13, 2009

a little more than six months

That's how long it's been since my surgery. A small part of me feels like I'm living out days I didn't think I would have. I know that seems dramatic, but when you face something like this your brain has to go there. I had to wrap my head around the possibility of not being here, of not having these moments. Knowing that I might not have been here makes this time so sweet. I like to think I lived this way before all the crazy stuff happened, but I probably didn't. I know the exact moment it all changed. David, Erin, Hayden, my mom, grandma, and step-sister, and me had all gathered at the pre-op waiting room (I missed the note about only bringing two visitors with me. Oops). It was very early in the morning and I had on my brave face. Then they called my name. I walked out the door and over to the receptionist who was the hundredth person to ask for my name and personal information. She handed me a pen and some papers to sign and told me to walk down the hall to the nurses station, give them my information, and tell them what surgery I was there for. I stepped back into the waiting room for a quick goodbye, hugged Hayden and Erin, and walked down the hall alone. It was the first time I was there alone, and the first time I really let all of the fear really hit me. For those few minutes as I walked down the hall alone I imagined what it would mean if that was the last time I saw my precious family. I imagined it so clearly that I swore I wouldn't take one more second for granted. It was then that I chose to make all the dreams floating around in my head a reality just as soon as I got out of that hospital. A few minutes later my family was in the prep-room saying goodbye with grandma praying over me and everyone giving me hugs and kisses. I knew then that I would be okay. Eight hours later I woke up in recovery. A hospital room never looked so lovely.


Kristen said...

You are a brave person, Sandra. Can't believe it's been six months already. I think you've always been someone who relishes life--but maybe more so now.

aola said...

this brought tears

I'm so glad it all turned out for good. I can't imagine a world without you in it.