Sunday, June 20, 2010

My aunt called me yesterday.  She spoke of things I did not want to hear.  My grandma, Hayden in her arms, walked to the neighbors house and then forgot what she'd gone there for.  A few nights ago my aunt asked grandma to get her some books from the bedroom and she came back with clothes.  I can see it in my grandma's eyes sometimes.  We are losing her.  One memory at a time.  A name forgotten.  A task left undone.  An item misplaced and found days later.  Singularly they mean nothing, but together they add up to a future that breaks my heart.  She is no longer able to watch Hayden.  This alone was enough to bring me to tears last night, the sobbing, uncontrollable, wake up with puffy eyes kind.  She loves watching Hayden.  Each morning when I drop him off she asks "How's my boy?" and hugs him so tightly.  She'd watch him forever if she could.  She is no longer able to stay by herself.  My aunt is checking into taking her to the adult day care where she works.  I hope that they can provide companionship and stimulation.  I've asked Erin to go over to grandma's with Hayden two days a week over the summer so that grandma can still have time with Hayden.  I think it will be good for Erin too.  I'm taking Fridays off at work.  I usually only work a four hour shift every other Friday anyway.  I'm going to spend those days with grandma working on the family scrapbook, or cooking, or just being with her. 


Jen said...

I'm so sorry, Sandy. I know how it feels. My heart goes out to you.

aola said...

My heart breaks for the injustice of the insidious disease. tears. anger.
regret. fear.

There is so much I want to say, but, I know you will figure out how to do this as it happens. love her. be there. learn to live in her reality. she needs you there and will appreciate all that you do even if she doesn't know who the hell you are

I am so, so sorry for you, your family and especially Grandma. It just should NOT be that way.

Sandra said...

Thank you both.

A, I feel all of those same things.

For now we'll get through it the same way we get through everything, one day at a time.

aola said...

that's all you can do, isn't it? is she on medication yet? it really does help in the early stages, not so much later on