Monday, December 06, 2010

Overwhelmed with school and clinical, I'm waiting for David to come home and find me drooling and mumbling incoherently.  It's not a lot, except that it is.  I want to be perfect.  I want to know everything before I know it so that the patients I have are cared for in the best possible way.  You don't become a nurse over night.  The good nurses put in years to get good.  It's not that I am afraid of the work, because work has never scared me.  I just don't want to mess up when the well being of another person is at stake.  Granted, we aren't performing brain surgery or anything remotely close to it.  We're washing butts, applying creams, feeding, and ambulating.  It's really nothing more than I've done for Hayden over the past two years.  And yet somehow it seems more significant than that.  I wash skin as thin as crepe paper and see my future in the eyes of someone lost in their own past.  I imagine the life that led them to this place and wonder if they are happy here, or if it is their own personal hell.  I think about them when I am not there.  Did Mr. S get to eat all of his food or was the aid to busy to give him the time he needed?  Did Mrs. A throw her depends at another unsuspecting student? 

I will not work at a long term care facility when I graduate.  I know that it is not the place for me.  But I am forever connected to the people in this place. 

7 comments:

aola said...

not from the personal experience of having done this job because I couldn't but from the experience of watching others who do; I think the most important thing you can do is what you do so naturally - really care.

Cara said...

Most people are repulsed by long term care facilities, mostly out of their own fear of mortality. I worked there for many years, and cared about those old people that I worked with every day, but the work was dirty, hard ad for the most part depressing. It certainly shaped my philosophy about growing old and what I want for myself.

Jen said...

The fact that you are concerned by this, moved by this, affected by this proves that you should be a nurse. The problem lies when people stop being affected by it, stop seeing the person they are helping and just see it as a job. Please don't stop seeing the person. For the sake of my parents who are approaching that age, please don't stop seeing the person.

kattysplatt11 said...

You will make a great nurse. You have the compassion it takes to care or others.
I am so very proud of you, and I am sure your Grandma Walsh is watching over you and smiling.
I love you

Cara said...

What area of nursing do you want to do?

Sandra said...

A, it's so true. Most of the residents are just happy to have someone there to talk to, and who will sit with them for a while. Now that I'm not running around like a crazy woman and have gotten into the grove of things I've had more time to sit and talk. It's been nice.

Jen, I won't stop seeing the person. I promise.

Mom, Thank you!

Cara, I'd like to work in labor/deliver, peds, or even NICU though there isn't one close to us. All of those will require further education. I'm researching LPN to RN classes now.
Surprisingly Hospice care really interests me too. I'm just not sure I could handle it emotionally.

Kristen said...

I love what the other ladies have said, and I just wanted to add...washing butts and applying creams is pretty damn important. Thank you for caring enough to do it well.