Friday, July 03, 2015

At thirty-six

Today I am thirty-six.  That's double the age I feel until I try to turn a cartwheel and then I feel much much older.
 In 13,140 days I have  laughed until I wet my pants, cried until I had the hicuups and then cried a little more, created and carried life inside of my own body, committed myself fully to another, lost and found myself again and again, held someone's hand as they took their last breath, and watched wide-eyed as a baby was born.
In 315,360 hours I've traveled across the country and back again, called three different states home, visited three countries, but never felt more at home than at grandma's house on a Sunday afternoon.
In 18,921,600 seconds I've believed in myself and given up on myself, jumped into ice cold water times three, sat under the expance of the night sky and felt how very small I am, made mountains out of mole hills, found my people, danced in the rain, been wrong, taken a chance, surprised myself, said I'm sorry, doubted and believed, sang in the grocery store, been so so greatful for just one more second, faced my biggest fears, and realized some pretty big dreams.
I just read "The Opposite of Loneliness" by Marina Keegan.  One line moved me.  "..the best years of our life are not behind us.  They are a part of us...".
Those seconds, hours, and days are me.
If you've been with me for any of those thirty-six cycles around the sun, thank you.  You're a part of this too.